Salon Leucous
by CliickClock
Summary: Based on the prompt "Someone please write me a fic where Thranduil and Lucius Malfoy run a hair salon together and instead of doing any actual work they bitch about their customers and interfere in their sons love lives"


"Lucius Malfoy!"

Lucius blinked up at the elf from the magazine he had open on his lap. He was settled in a salon chair twirling a stand of his fair hair waiting for John Watson to drag Sherlock in for his semi-annual trim, but knowing those two it could be hours before they actually manage to show up. "Thranduil, I thought you had the rest of the day off to visit with Legolas."

Thranduil snatched the magazine out of Lucius' lap before turning around and throwing himself into the chair across from Lucius. "Well I_ did_, but then he has to go and ruin our lovely afternoon with the most unreasonable and horrible news I have ever heard and now I doubt I'll ever be the same again!"

Lucius walked over to Thranduil's seat before reaching for a brush and beginning to calmly run it through Thranduil's flaxen hair. "Oh come now, it can't be as bad as that time John decided to try facial hair or when Daenerys thought she would experiment with hair dye. Merlin, that was a true disaster. I'm sure whatever Legolas told you will blow over eventually."

Thranduil vigorously shook his head, regardless of the fact that the brush was still stuck in some of his platinum strands. "No Lucius, you don't understand. He's decided to elope with-" Thranduil paused to recover his composure "-with that, I mean, he's seeing that dreadful dwarf! Do you remember those dwarves who broke out of my dungeons and woke up the dragon and caused so much trouble for everyone? Well, it's the spawn of one of them. How could Legolas do this to me? I know he was a little upset about my disapproval of Tauriel but surely this is a bit extreme."

The bell over the salon door rang, interrupting Thranduil's rant and letting them know that a customer had arrived. Brushing her ponytail over her shoulder, Nyota Uhura walked into the salon. "Excuse me, but do you have an opening right now? I wanted to get my hair straightened and trimmed some before our next away mission and I was hoping-"

"Get out!" Thranduil yelled. "Your hair is already straight as a board and it looks the same length that it always does whether you cut it or not! You never do anything with it other than put it in a ponytail anyways! Do you know what happens when you keep your hair in a ponytail that long?! It creases! Tell me, what is the point of getting your straight hair straightened when you purposely mess it up like that?! I won't waste my time pandering to you when I have more important things going on so leave!"

For a moment Nyota stood in the doorway staring in shock at Thranduil. After recovering from her astonishment, she delicately raised her middle finger in salute to Thranduil and Lucius before stalking out of the shop muttering "Ditsla comal datsunan."

Lucius and Thranduil blinked at each other for a moment before Lucius asked "What did she say to us?"

Thranduil tossed his mane of golden hair and said "I don't know and I don't care. I've got more important things to worry about. Like that _dwarf_. He almost makes me want to tear my hair out."

"Oh Thranduil, don't do that. Your hair is too lovely to be torn out at the roots like some common Weasely's." Lucius grasped Thranduil's hands and pulled them away from his hair. "Here, brush my hair for me. It'll give you something to do with your hands."

Thranduil took the brush before delicately running it through Lucius' pale and silky hair. Regardless of how he was feeling at the moment, Thranduil would never purposefully ruin hair like Lucius'. As he carefully brushed the blond strands, he felt himself relaxing. Brushing fine hair always did calm him down and Lucius had never been shy about using that fact to his advantage.

The bell above the door rang once again as Legolas and Gimli entered the salon. They stopped in front of Thranduil and Lucius before reaching out to hold each other's hands. "Listen ada" Legolas began, "I know you're upset about me and Gimli but it's really been a long time coming and it was pretty obvious to anyone who has seen us recently. The fact that it comes as a surprise to you just goes to show how little we've seen each other these past few years. I'm going to give you some time to calm down about it but we aren't going anywhere and you need to accept that." They turned and began to walk out of the salon but Legolas paused in the doorway. "Ada, if you change your mind about all this you can find us at Draco's apartment. He offered to let us stay there with him and Harry."

At that, Legolas and Gimli swept out of the salon and the door swung shut behind them. Thranduil turned to Lucius, a look of shock on his face. "Lucius! Last time we talked about your son dating 'you know who' you were so upset you almost cut all of Sam Winchester's lovely hair off. It was a near travesty! The only thing that prevented his brother from flaying you alive was that potion you found that sped up hair growth! When did you change your mind?"

Lucius sighed as Sherlock and John finally walked through the door, a mere half hour late for their appointment. "Thranduil, I know you're surprised but really I just thought-"

"Oh don't bother with coming up with some suitable lie" interrupted Sherlock. "It's obvious that he never really objected to their relationship. Just look at the state of his overcoat. No, Lucius just wanted to give his son a hard time after all of the hassle he's been through in the past few years. I'll admit there might have been a bit of resentment in the beginning. After all, your son's boyfriend did nearly land you in prison, but that blew over relatively quickly. Lucius is just happy that Draco didn't start dating some other person. Judging by Lucius' reaction to the invitation he received this morning I would say that other person is one of the Greengrass girls. Possibly the younger one, Astoria. I can see why you didn't want her as a daughter in-law. Absolutely horrible person. No tact at all."

John sighed and rubbed his eyes before nudging Sherlock and saying "As if you've got any right to judge people on lack of tact. Now quit deducing Mr. Malfoy and sit down. If your hair gets any longer your eyes are going to disappear."

As he walked over to help Sherlock get settled in the salon chair Lucius attempted to avoid meeting Thranduil's incredulous stare. Finally he broke down and turned to address Thranduil. "Look, I know you've got a thing about dwarves and I definitely understand holding grudges, but you're going to need to get over yourself. Yes, I am moderately alright with Draco dating Potter. Yes it did take some time. No, I do not think you are being reasonable about this, and yes you need to get used to the way things are. So pull on your big elf britches, grow up a couple more hundred years so hopefully you're more mature, and go apologize to your son before you really mess things up."

There was a moment of silence in the salon while Thranduil and Lucius glared at each other. Eventually John interrupted the silent staring contest with a quiet "He's right you know" directed at Thranduil.

Thranduil threw up his hands in defeat. "Fine. Fine I'll talk to him about it. I'm not promising anything but I'll try and be more accepting. That'll have to be enough because I don't think I can handle much more of this." He walked to the door before turning around and addressing the room. "I'm going to Draco's apartment. If you need me, I'll be there." And with that he flounced out of the salon, dramatically sweeping his cloak behind him as a last act of defiance.

"At least he's out doing something away from here" Sherlock muttered. "I don't like elves. Too difficult to read with the poker face that they've perfected.

John laughed before running his hand over Sherlock's unruly hair. "Well I'm sure the feeling is somewhat mutual. I don't think he likes you much either. Now let's get your hair under control so we can go out and investigate more murders. I'm sure Greg can find you something."

Sherlock happily leaned back so that Lucius could wash his hair. "Oh yes, I'm sure he'll find something. I'm fairly sure that there's been a murder a few blocks from here and the police should be getting there right about the same time that we finish up here." He turned his head slightly to look at Lucius. "So please don't take your time, we've got a murder to solve."

Lucius sighed in acknowledgement and continued shampooing Sherlock's hair. Of course they've got a murderer to catch. They always do. Everyone's always got something important to do whether it's finding a killer or preventing the end of the world as we know it. Somehow, the people who came into the salon never surprised him, and Lucius was just fine with that.

Humor isn't really my thing, but I thought I'd give it a try anyways. This didn't really turn out as funny as I planned for it to be but I think it turned out alright ( or as alright as a hair salon au where everyone bitches about each other can be). For those of you who were wondering, Nyota said "go fuck yourself" in Vulcan.


End file.
